dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
