I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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