I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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