I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
