Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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