Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
