Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i came on her dog
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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