well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
