I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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