I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
