When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
