Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
