I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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