I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
