Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
