Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
