You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
