brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
