apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
