I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
