OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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