I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
