Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
