I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
