I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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