is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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