the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
