We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
