Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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