He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
