I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
