I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
