Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
