Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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