Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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