I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
