my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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