New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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