??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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