There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
