we're blogging at a bar
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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