yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
