I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
