Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
