***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
