Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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