I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
