so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
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