I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
