She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
God I need to hump something, right now.
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