She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
