I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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