i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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